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VampireMione
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Name: Katie aka "Ufo"
Location: Peoria, Illinois, United States
Birthday: 7/12/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Writing, reading, running, art, music, tv, movies, games
Expertise: Fanfics: http://www.fanfiction.net/~katiejanewayOriginal: http://www.fictionpress.com/~midnightwalker
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
2/22/2004
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| Can't say I'm surprised. I'm sort of just letting this gather dust as I'm too lazy to delete it. And because sometimes, I need a spot I can use to cry into the dark.
I really, really wish sometimes that I could go back to when I was younger. No, the problems didn't feel any less enormous...but the difference was that I knew who I could go to when I felt bothered. And I thought I knew who I was. Which made keeping to myself - if that was what I wanted - far easier.
Listening to the music I used from back then just doesn't cut it anymore, since it's like rubbing salt in a wound. Except I can't stop listening because it feels that if I stop listening to that music when I'm down that I've completely lost the person I thought I understood and was.
Pay no nevermind to this, dear void. I'm just pondering and maudlin tonight. | | |
| I'd like to have a dream
Do you mind if I borrow yours?
Mine are worn and musty
Dirty, faded, washed out and away
Do you mind if I borrow yours?
They're so shiny and new
So wistful and wishful and tragically pure
Do you mind if I borrow yours?
I promise not to break them
I promise to treat them with care
Please, just let me borrow them
Mine...mine are just no longer there.
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| Ever had those arguments with someone in which you both turn out to be partially right, partially wrong? This after the snapping, the sniping, the biting remarks and harsh words...hopefully without direct insults...the tears, the anger, the frustration and pain?
Yep, just got through one of those this afternoon. Things are better now - we've reached an understanding and can talk again without pissing off/hurting the other person, but I'm pooped. And I remember again why the process of working through my various issues is hard on people besides myself.
In other semi-related news, I went to the career fair @ ISU today. Handed my resume to a few people, talked to some people, y'know. The job fair thing. Going to apply to a few places and hopefully will have left a positive impression with others, even if I end up not applying.
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| I asked a professor to be my thesis chair and she accepted; I'm trying to get in contact with the council in IL that does Girl Scouting Beyond Bars so I can use that as a thesis topic. David and I are doing great - we passed the 2 yr mark on Jan 29 and yay! Valentine's Day ahead!
In general, I'm feeling a bit more emotionally sound now - some stress has gone. Sleep schedule is still messed up, since I match David's when I'm in Peoria, then try to find my own when in Normal. Still some school stress but nowhere near as much now that I feel I'm finally working toward graduating.
But I still need to find another job...(I love PARC, mainly looking for a 2nd part-time job, s'all, to y'know, pay bills!)
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| When you want to cry and you can no longer exactly name the reason because too many have rolled into one.
When the tears lump in your throat and you pop in a CD to sing to so you don't let them out
When you need a hug, except that anyone who can hug you is a fair distance away and it feels like they'll never get there in time.
When you're not sure the hug is enough to help.
When you don't know how to explain, you just need to be understood and held.
When you smile, briefly, and laugh at something happy...but the sadness still holds your heart.
When things feel heavy and slower.
Yeah, it's one of those nights.
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