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VampireMione
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Name: Katie aka "Ufo"
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Metro: Peoria
Birthday: 7/12/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: Writing, reading, running, art, music, tv, movies, games
Expertise: Fanfics: http://www.fanfiction.net/~katiejanewayOriginal: http://www.fictionpress.com/~midnightwalker
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
2/22/2004
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| But then again, this hardly ever sees updates. And my LiveJournal has mostly been neglected as well. *Shrug* Part of it is that I've been doing a lot more talking out of my problems. Part of it is doing a lot more personal writing in an actual journal. Yeah, I know, I used to say I couldn't write in one of those things...but that was back when I tried to write daily. Now...it's whenever it feels right. That could mean nightly, that could mean several months go by.
Things are still up, down, all around. Grad school is pressure and finding out I'm not as happy with myself academically as I want to be. Hooray for bad habits. Come the end of the semester, for better or worse, my Independent Study, a roughly 30-page paper, will be turned in. A paper that I didn't go to my professor on, even though I should have. That I didn't have a rough draft done of, for her to go over. For better or worse, I'll either get the credit or I won't, and I will then have to deal with the consequences, whatever they may be.
I can graduate next year, whether I choose thesis or comps. I don't like the idea of exams and thesis would let me do a survey I want to do, but....yeah. I don't really know. I just have very few hours left to me in the program, most of which would be thesis hours if I chose thesis track.
Next year also means the end of the lease on the apartment and going separate ways from the roomies, something they are already eager to talk about. Which means I have until next Aug 1 (I think that's the right date) to figure out what's happening after leaving here. If thesis, I could commute from Peoria, not a biggie. What concerns me more is finding a job - I don't want to move in with David if I can't help out with the bills. Dad is already saying all of my furniture will go to David's, something that...isn't exactly feasible. So I have to figure that out, too. It's all months away, and yet it's all being discussed now. Hooray.
There have been some serious discussions going on, that I don't really feel like revealing here for anyone to see. Suffice to say I've been trying to work through some issues. I'm not in counseling this semester, and I don't think I need to go back, but it has been kinda crazy.
But really, most of it is life as usual.
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| Today is not only my mother's birthday, but it is now also the day that my grandma has passed away. I knew it was likely, especially after the latest report this morning, but a selfish part of me kept hoping that it would not be today, at the least.
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| It seems one of the hardest things to say to people is that I miss my mom. When I'm stressed, I miss her a lot. She often gave me a new spin on things, or, at least, the lecture I felt I rightly deserved. And a bit of comfort, if not sympathy. I wanted to tell my dad tonight, since I just broke down and told him about school-related stuff stressing me out...but I couldn't. The words just caught. On the bright side, it seems I remembered more signs for training than I thought, but I still have probably 50 or so to learn by Wed, and have 5 sentences prepared...eek! Why am I having so much trouble learning these? (And why didn't I study more often over the last couple of weeks?) | | |
| So...to start, I have Hillary Duff's "Reach Out" stuck in my head. Why? Because someone on Why, God, Why? suggested it in the Horrible Covers thread, as it uses the music from Depeche Mode's "Personal Jesus" Look, I know the song is bad...but I can't help it!
Secondly, I am missing the boyfriend. It is somewhat scary how attached I am to him, sometimes. But then again, we had a couple of rough nights this past weekend (a few spats, we talked them out) and I didn't get to go over Sunday night like normal, or be there today. In fact, I won't be there till Wed @ 3am or thereabouts. If then.
Which brings me to two more updates: I have a job. For how long, I don't know. Why don't I know? Because PARC, my employer, is a non-profit organization for disabled individuals that may lose half of its budget starting July 1. Yeah. At the moment, however, I am training to be a substitute program assistant, capable of covering any of the three shifts at the residential facilities. I cannot exceed 20 hours a week, but hey. It's a job, and that's a start, especially considering my finances. Though Dad has said he will help, which he didn't inform me of before, then got upset I hadn't know that...
Thanks to this job, I am getting TB and Hep B vaccines for free. But...*shudder* needles...ugh. I got first TB shot today, the next is next week, I think...
I will have to get CPR/First Aid through Red Cross. Because PARC goes on a yearly basis. So, since my AHA certification goes through next June, I guess I'll be doubly-certified?
I have a gait belt of my very own. And yes, it comes out of my paycheck. But if/when I leave, if I turn it in, they'll give me credit on my last check.
Next point: I'm not sure when I last spoke of this, so I'll just say that in the last couple months, I have scraped paint off my car and *cough* acquired some new color. Minor, really. I have also cracked a headlight cover. And a protective covering underneath the car had loosened enough so it hung in front of the tire, making me nervous about driving. Dad, an uncle, and a cousin removed it Sunday night, but of course this means that will have to be replaced. Oh, and one of these days I should get the oil changed and the air conditioning filters checked. And check the tire pressure...yeah, I'm not a car-savvy Katie, I just like to drool over the Fast & Furious franchise.
Uhh....I've been rather slacking in research for school, something I should get started on ASAP.
I should be going to be in the next 45 minutes, as I must get up @ 6:45 tomorrow, which I've not done since...last summer, I should think. Not exactly something to brag on.
My relatives from CO (most of them) came in because my uncle's mom passed away. During this, I learned that branch of the family is Catholic, which I never knew before. Huh.
I've been getting the urge to write David something mushy, and I would...but I don't know that'd it reach his mailbox before he saw me next...hmm...mayhap I'll time it so sometime next week during my 2 days of training, he'll get it.
My moods are all over the place - I suspect exhaustion. Wacky sleep schedule all summer, trying to match David so I can see him more...yeah.
I really want to go to Forest Park and hike around w/ him one day, but he'd be drenched in this weather. In swear, that is. Poor guy. Same thing even if we went to Starved Rock or uh...the M-one...Mattheison(?) that's right down the road from Starved Rock.
I probably should not drink soda soon before bed. I also will need to make lunch tomorrow...PBJ, here I come, for I am cheap (no buying lunch there) and lazy (simple sandwich) and also a slow eater, so a microwave meal is out.
I also said something I am rather proud of on LJ, after a friend posted about leaving the dorm and why he was suddenly viewing the dorm through rose-tinted lenses. The last paragraph is what I'm proud of, but I'll give the whole comment anyway...
"SUBJ: Because, in a sense, it was home
POST: Not to mention a mini-town sometimes. God, the way gossip could flow through there...there were people I didn't know visually, but I knew their business when I lived in LRH.
You knew the rules (formal and informal). You knew where your shit was. Who to talk to. Who was up at god-knows-what hour and which rooms to avoid. You had good and bad times, and so you lived there.
The places where you expend a lot of yourself, in a good way or bad...the places where you do more than simply inhabit or pretend to exist in them...they become home, however brief the stay. And so when you leave, you leave a part of you there as well. The nostalgia for all the good things and letting the bad fade, I believe, is so you don't regret leaving that part of you behind."
Speaking of LJ comments...sometimes I go back through David's LJ, and read his announcement that he has a girlfriend, and how that makes him feel. Something about that still gives me absolute warm fuzzies inside.
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| Not like a physical itch, but I've been twitching mentally and thoughts are slowly coming back to me. Creative thoughts. Ideas, words, snippets, scenes...
I haven't been trying to rush them or really write them down. For one, too many are just nebulous feelings and concepts at the moment- words wouldn't quite work. For another, it's hard to believe I haven't totally lost this. Don't know when I'll really be writing again, fanfic or otherwise, but it's nice to at least know the old creative machine hasn't totally croaked.
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